Is zim getting sorted, sorted or just zim?

15 Mar

i have lived outside zimbabwe for more than 10 years and try as I may I still feel loads of interest to be a part of what is going on daily. It is the place where I lived adventured into hills, pools and Forrest’s without care. It is a place I made lasting friendships and learnt to fight for something, anything. It is the place where I learnt to read and write and the little that got me accepted in a foreign land as a worker. So yes, it is home.

i have heard loads of news fake, good, bad sad and outright untrue but have wished some to be true. I have heard of the death of the president many times in the years I have been out here, I will not voluntarily say how it made me feel each time. Such is how hatred and anger does even to a decent person.

when the news of a coup brewing started being whispered I was already primed for such a development. Mind you I am a supporter of coups. ( that didn’t come out right). I suppose when they a bloody they are bad for everyone but saying coups are bad is denial of a very easy way of dealing with very cruel men. Mugabe was going nowhere. It shows even now he does not want with the thing. Haadi nechinhu. Kafuni lento.

so in November a coup happened in Zimbabwe. Mugabe was resigned. ( grammatically wrong but yes he was resigned). It’s not that I am complaining, any removal of Mugabe was cause for a braai if not full party. The demagogue had grown too long a pair of horns. Mugabe had to go for many had already wished him to go even negwamwari.

the details of the coup will be known later, many years later but for now, Zimbabwe is again in bad hands. Zimbabwe is not being sorted. The incumbent regime is struggling for acceptance and legitimacy. It isn’t something that they would go around showing need for. Signs are there for all to see. The regime knows of criminals but will do nothing about it. They are arresting some people who it might turn out to be staged. One has so much against him that even a village court would convict him but he flatly roams the streets in boast. Fixing zimbabwe requires turning against all corruption and that requires prosecuting. At least two fat ones have avoided any charge.

zimbabwe can not be fixed if all the rumours of Mugabe wealth amassing is not dealt with. The nation will need answers on what he did and what he didn’t. During his tenure despite the nation suffering allegedly due to sanctions, due to sanctions him and his cronies became wealthiest. That a president earning $1200 ends up richer than the country is suspicious even to me.

If there is anyone who should be charged, persecuted or prosecuted for criminal abuse of office it is Robert Gabriel matibili Mugabe. Overnight his son in law whose qualifications remain questionable became operations manager of the national airline. His daughter, a holder of a Chinese first degree jumped a queue of eminent scholars, administrators, professionals, experienced to land at least 2 top appointments in no time. He could commandeer the plane to anywhere. He used state assets for party business.

Until the regular violence that Mugabe endorsed every election time is dealt with Zimbabwe is not fixed and is not being fixed. People were wantonly murdered for political view and choice something the constitution clearly confirms as theirs. A president who earned $1200 gets richer than presidents who earn n$400000! Add that for me, miracle money or what? Mugabe was in Malaysia or Singapore or Dubai for medical reasons like monthly yet now he is out of the office he is healed and making noise.

The current regime has not improved anything than so called absence of police roadblocks. We have elections in less than 6 months no attempt has been made to reform. We still are where we were this time last year. The current president is definitely behaving as if he is someone else’s spokesman. He goes around telling anyone who listens, that he will hold free and fair elections yet at home he does nothing to implement. He still behaves like he is Mugabe’s deputy. He has acting President syndrome, he dares not act.

Does grace believe what she says….

6 Oct

For us to believe her, she must convince us and for her to convince us she must believe it herself.

She claims that her husband is the cleanest in the world. And she is not talking about kusageza. She means he is not corrupt and he is not corruptable. She must be dreaming. I am sure starting to think she does not know her husband, like maybe he does his deals without her knowing. Or maybe seeing the beautiful sunset that his life is fast becoming she thinks to lay a foundation for ignorance; good move!

The man claims he earns us$14000 per year. His sons spend more than that per month. He dresses in some black and white shoe I hear is probably more expensive than some twice resold Japanese imported car. He holidays in the Far East. He eats in expensive kingly Asian restaurants in far away countries where some of us can only dream of.

The man is a chancellor of at least 6 universities, one of which fairly conferred a 6 week PhD on his wife, the genius who bit the London university at English till they gave her a mandarin degree instead of o level English. Doctor amai believes doctor ababa is not corrupt, he is as clean as a whistle.

The same man who the now unaccounted for Cuban pathologist, told those of us who chose to stay awake that day, that the man turned up uninvited where Rex Nhongo’s charred body was being post-mortemed. And he is clean.

He is in obvious panic mode, trying to force one idiot, sorry one ED to say he was not poisoned. Why is he as angry as he was at the airport if he is not the one who……? That ED is surely a Lacoste, lizard son of a ghecko,friend of the alligator. If he was the croc himself he would have torn than matoto carrying jongwe into pieces long kudala. Still the oldman is clean.

He has thousands of my relatives’ blood on his hands, chose to call it a moment of madness. And he is clean. You know when I have soiled your pants before I will watch what I say on the subject. She doesn’t get it that she has no moral platform to talk about extra marital issues even in reverse order.

She forgets people sing about taking back children to their lineage. She forgets that the same mr perfect seduced her as a very down marengenya typist like it is good to fish in your typing pool. She forgets she was married. She forgets he was married.Zvifebe are now cleanest people in the world.

And  the land audit will never happen. Why? Because the guy in charge is afraid he is guilty. The corrupt cleanest man in the world. Or is it cleanest corrupt man in the world.

Come on Grace dear, the old man should be in jail kudala. He has no clue what clean is. Clean is for him to get of that seat of power. He has caused so much peacetime deaths and violence. The only less cleaner thing I can think of is  a turd





Don williams

6 Oct

i can not remember any time in my adulthood when I did not own a don williams compilation. And I don’t know if I will ever have no don williams music in my collection.

2017 Father’s Day my daughter bought me two cd’s……one bob Marley and one don williams. What a perfect gift from a daughter who knows me all too well. (Thank you my little girl)

little did I know that one day in 2017 I would sit to type farewell words to a legend, a champion of the box guitar and equally melodious country voice. A few years ago I attended his gig in Bournemouth, an event I thoroughly enjoyed. Don performed all the time perched on a stool. Yet he had a way of getting all to at least sway.

Why am I writing so many weeks after he passed on?  Because I have been waiting just waiting hoping that somehow I would end up with news saying it was all a hoax. So far it would appear it is not, and it took me 2 days to hear about it because I was on holiday in the highlands. Who still keeps up with world news when there is “nessy” to catch.

Gentleman, imaginary friend, guitar hero, voice of uncommon lyrics, superman of country music and perfected of the art of melody, may his dear soul rest in eternal peace. The path is the same the beginning is the same. It is the end of our stories which is written different. Rest in peace my legend.

jihad Grace

20 Aug

Kwanzi first lady! Mother of the nation Doctor Amai.  Iwe mazita kupfekerana.

You can call her whoever you will call her don’t call her my mum. Yes Grace is what my mum was called too, but lets end it there. this story of ice cream closely followed by this degree in violence thesis in joburg shocks me beyond.

I still cant get this. So a woman walks into hotel room where her liter of idiots is making fun of Zimbabwean loot and and poor zimbos and she shamboks them to hell. She is then attacked by a daring 20 year old model. she loses her sense of dignity, in the presence of her body guards pushes them aside and slushes the poor attacker with an electric cord? the girl decides to report and she doesn’t.

Or I still don’t get it! She gets into this room. Finds her sons with friends. she decides this particular girl is state enemy. enemy of Zimbabwe. as a defender of her nation she attacks the threat saving her nation from this dangerous one girl terrorist? otherwise how does one justify this? Whatever international law says it cant say that…….That a president’s wife is diplomatic immunity when she attacks a child for ……….

I still do not get it. so would that imply she beat the poor south African girl on behalf of Zimbabweans? Maybe just maybe, someone out there will pay attention next time this thing calls itself their mother. even just a slap on someone else’s child is taking things too far. yet a whole bunch of corrupt old men sit and agree that a dictator’s violent wife goes on to bash someone and get away with it just like that?

I thought south Africans would want to know why their country has let down one of their own. ignore the blood of their own in protection of what? In honour of what? for the sake of what? Malema

The real sad thing about a broke country.

10 May

It is one thing to just mourn about a failed economy and pretend all will be fixed one day. It is another when one considers what that means in real terms. You see, life, to any individual can easily be viewed as, me, my household and my neighbour. When problems visit just those within that view, such are the problems I can perceive. Anything in the papers or in any media is just but remote news. This is why you hear those who say zvangu zvaita betraying that egoistic sense of individual triumph . I don’t care how anyone else is as long as I and that which is mine are ok.

The Zimbabwean economy sits painfully on my mind. I have seen it grow from pre independence changeover , through the hard times of importing even a toothpaste tube from Botswana to the short stable days and to the disaster that it has become. People would go to Botswana and later South Africa just to buy even soap, wrist watches and jeans for resell at home. Even a simple colour TV or the old vcr were things that you would only dream of if someone went down south and bought you and all this with very strictly controlled forex. All would be bought through a holiday allowance.

When I was a student I remember a certain canvas shoe that was called Chinese shoes which one could only buy from Botswana. Even rice, there is a time when such were luxuries open only to those who could import it somehow. My first vcr, I bought it from a pawn shop in Jeppe street in joburg. All these were days presided over by the same, more or less failed politicians presiding over our economy even now. Anywhere enough of the suffering Of the rich and affording.

My real beef with the ailing economy is imagining the extreme of our society. It is easy for the teachers, because when they are not paid, or are paid what they are not happy with they mobilise under their unions and voice out. The same with many other employees of living relatively secure under unionist wings.  My heart though goes out to those who work for non paying companies like nrz. Their works have not been paid for some months and my question is what happens to an employee who dies owed such money. Does the company prioritise and pays out or that just waits the day they will decide to pay?

Realities also take us to the welfare section of the nation. If a country can not pay its employees, even ending up with a minister who unilaterally announces end of bonuses, what more of the blind and lame who live on government grants and welfare allowances? 

I found doctor Tsitsi Choruma’s essay on disabled people very interesting but more so the heading, “the forgotten tribe”. The tribe in this case, the forgotten tribe are the disabled. One unverified claim puts Zimbabwe’s blind people at 100 000. I can not dispute that. Most of these would most certainly be on state benefits. And sadly, most of these are suffering and one wonders what chance they have in a country where priority is the politician in general, but ruling party politicians in particular.

It is left to NGOs and various other donors to do something,yet even they have the same mentality as the politicians. Of the millions donated to an agency, considering the luxury life of NGO directors I would be surprised if more than 30% actually gets through to the disabled or disadvantaged. It does remind one of the biblical Christ quotation, “if they can do such to a green tree, what more can they do to a dry one”.

The problem is that the economy is measured by parameters that consider able bodied and economically active people. It takes into considerations activities of those whose consumption and participation can fit into the GDP, INFLATION,CONSUMER INDEX bla bla bla equations yet the reality of suffering, going without a meal, begging and dying without treatment just don’t have a way into economic equations.

Contact lists…….

8 May

Well well, this is lighter than the wearing down effects of an election loss. This is meant for a good laugh to those who will find it funny. It’s not meant to be a joke. It is the reality of life; things that men do. Things that women do. Things done by their children too.

A story, which I believe is not true, did rounds in the Zimbabwean community in UK.  It’s said there was a man who attended one of the many zimbo parties. He met other zimbo a and befriended one guy he did not know before. Drink after drink (read as dhiringi) and  the stranger convinced my man, call him Spox to put up at his house which was just down the street. Well that’s very common is it not?

So my man Spox is a well mannered men. He will not sleep 120 miles away without informing mother, thats his wife. Let’s call her Mrs Spox. So spox calls Mrs Spox but because of the many videos and photos he has been taking the battery dies as soon as Mrs Spox says hello. Spox asks his new friend if he can use his phone to call the Mrs. Of cause Mr new friend is a good friend and gives him. So he enters the Mrs Spox’s number digit by digit and , heh? He is surprised. He cancels and enters again. Yes that’s his wife’s number, he is very sure and he calls and yes she answers. He looks again and there she is listed in Mr new friend as Hure rekuPortsmouth. (The prostitute of Portsmouth). Well the sleep over died immediately and the rest is history.

I personally have listed people in funny names too. Some friend of mine would be shocked to find she is listed in my contact list as Yabu. Besides Kiki and Fafi who are actually the names I call these guys I have no other nicknames for people. Everybody else is listed exactly how I call him or her.

I was surprised when I saw the contacts of one friend of mine. She listed me as chimbwamupengo, (rabid dog). When I asked her she just burst laughing. In writing this I asked a few friends to share some of their contact names. One cruel friend of mine says he listed an ever borrowing friend of his as shuro. Is it rabbit or hare? This he says because he used to be boastful when things were more silver lined for him. So shuro empasises his current poor position as in Shona, shuro means a rabbit or a hair, but colloquially refers to one with nothing.

Most names actually reflect secrecy. Many women list the people who they don’t want their partners to know they talk to with false names. The same goes for men. I don’t want to say it’s always the case but if you see someone listed as mdhara Susan, by your man, think. Or sekuru Lizzie? Mbuya Rosie or uncle James . The key thing is if all other names have no description why should this particular one have a description attached to it. I am not an expert so don’t fight because of my claim.

But then imagine this one, he says he has an ex- boyfriend he still speaks to. She lists him as Mai Chikomba. Hahaha please don’t look for Mai Chikomba on your partner’s phone. But there it says. The other says his small house lives in Southampton. Aika, who says they don’t know what a small house is? Maybe, but should I waste time explaining that? Anywhere , his smallhouse lives in Southampton and he lists her as M27 the motorway he uses to get to her house. Yet one lists her boyfriend as sister B…….well she is right because he is a nursing sister but hahahaha the full name would be sister Bothwell. 

My other friend is now married and even when she wasn’t married we were never in a relationship. Her husband though came into a relationship where his new girlfriend had this guy she called a friend. Obviously he was not comfortable with that. I avoid calling her now but I asked if she has listed anyone in some particular false name. She laughed and said, “yes you are listed in my phone as princess”. (Princess being my daughter).

Some at work says list his exwife as madam dragon. My cousin lists his wife by her name, and lists someone as chiDanger. He refused to tell me who that is. My teen daughter must think she has the snoopiest father ever. Once in a while I do ask her to show me her texts, her contacts and the like. I am not going to have terrible things define my daughter’s life. I have not found anything to worry me yet but some of the names she has are cryptic. No one ever calls their children that. 

One who someone met at tuku’s gig is listed as tuku.

The battle of number 10

8 May

well so after a gruelling few weeks of verbal sparring the battle is over. The UK election has come and gone and today we wake up to the same prime minister minus his piggy back type deputy, whose only positive is eloquence. We wake up to the labour sadness of having lost dismally but the good news of absolute thrashing of the promising UKIP. This has been an election of interest in its start, it’s progress and its end.

There we had the Tories driving their campaign on the basis of the debatable claim that they nursed the economy to health. They campaigned that they want to be given a chance to complete the work, to creat new jobs, jobs which personally I think is more statistical than realistic. So we wake up this morning to find the majority of people of Britain, or is it the majority of constituencies have chosen to believe the Tory promise. Well, they sold their product, we bought it. If it is an empty box, we have to live with it for 5 more years.

Labour. The sad thing is that the one person I thought deserves to be an MP even ahead of the incumbent who won again, lost in his first go at the chance. I would urge him not to lose heart, but I can not because on his behalf I am totally gutted myself. Labour lost and I think my friend Jeremy,who had so much belief in labour is in tears. The defeat of labour by the Tories was probably visible in the campaign where many many people just showed they were not going to see reason. However one thing that Jeremy got right is that he said, ” Jim-man, these polls are rubbish do not follow them. There will not be any hung parliament”. Don’t tell him but Jerry was right on this one. And Eddie, the man who I expected to shock me and be the prime minister, has resigned as leader of labour and I just wish there is someone out there who will take up this great party to be strong again. I still think he did very well, but the press just wanted him to lose.

I thought Nick started very well. He is an incredible orator, a brilliant personality but. Who ever advised to do a radio slot on Thursdays helped kill his politics. He however lost the election when he decided on a very self defeating line of campaign. The lib dems accepted the misleading polls from you gob and the like. Based on that they then conceded their political universality by declaring themselves a minor party interested only in a coalition. You don’t do that in politics, or in any contest based sector. Even in football, a vicar coached Sunday pub team faced with playing arsenal will still play to win. That the party failed to live by. How does anyone who does not expect their vote? And the result? 8 seats, how pathetic! But honestly, it is a waste of some very able politicians. And now Nicky has resigned.

My biggest shock was UKIP. Honestly speaking I didn’t like them to win, but I didn’t expect them to do this bad.1 seat for a party whose leader has the positive arrogance of Nigel is just unimaginable. Yet it did. But earlier I referred to an equivocation of the electoral majority. Is it majority in the electors as individuals or the majority of constituencies? I have noticed it is constituencies because in terms of number of people who voted ukip they are more than those who voted libdems. Yet ukip has 1 seat and libdems have 8. One MP for Nigel’s ukip. And Nigel has resigned.

Scotland has chosen to be national. Not that they have chosen to be independent, but to be national. Labour is very wounded there. Tories? Who is that, one Scotsman might as well ask. The eloquence, the charm and sexy smile and the attractive female voice Scottish accent added to her intelligence just helped Nicola to create a near one party state north of the kingdom. I mean that girl is just brilliant, I hate to say that. Imagine, she has made her party so popular that it has convinced people to vote for a twenty year old student. How crazy is that!

Well I am an African, a Zimbabwean and Malawian living in the United Kingdom. I just can not help tout remember home. Home is where publicity pollsters can not predict results. It can just anger some overzealous youth and be banished or burnt. The poll must say vaMugabe chete…….ah maybe ndaakunyepa manje!

I am a Zimbabwean. Following a big poll like this the first week is full of rubbish. The whole week the losers will be busy telling everyone how they were cheated by the winner. Some will be far fetched claims like, I will never forget Biti’s claim of mutating ballot paper brought by Chinese with the help of Israeli firm nikuv. Hahaha. But kunyepa here? Yes. 

Even a party which fails to field more than one candidate in my country and a party that year after year wins nothing, holds on to the same inept leadership. Morgan has never resigned. Welshman is still leader. Biti duped some people into losing the luxury of being MPs even promising to fight it through and they have no livelihood and he is still their leader. ZAPU lost many many times, and president DD still presides.

And finally, I am sorry to my man who lost at his first attempt at being MP. Sorry to the many labour candidates who lost their bids for Westminster. Finally congratulations to the mayor of London Boris who I believe is going to Westminster as MP now. A radio counts him as one of the popster style MPs and now is it time Boris is a minister of something?

Britain is many times richer than Zimbabwe. I was watching as David Cameron was being taken to the queen. He and his wife rode in what looks like a jaguar. There was also a cheap looking van following his car. And the solo rider leading the car.possible fuel bill there, say £30 if I have to be generous. And suppose the same trip is travelled by he who I will not state by name? At least 8 cars, a helicopter, bikers and ………… of spending that money which one doesn’t have.

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