Let’s say

Suppose I wake up the president. Iyo ndoyakaoma hatidi kunyeperana but yes ndine twuma idea twangu! You see I am not an idiot so I will be clear kuti ndenge ndaitwa president kupi kwacho. Is it Zimbabwe,South Africa ,malawi or Zambia? Kana Burkina Faso futhi!

So the obvious answer if it’s Zambia is no thank you! Wongoita one year vokuradzika, no no I don’t want that. If it’s Burkina Faso again the answer is no. When those Africans get fed up you get reduced to some useless man almost getting into a saddam style hole. Unorohwa na bharanzi shaya dzikachena nemambama. Just ask blaise compaore. Ouagadougou inopinda chando kuita snow muequator navo vanhu vaye.

Malawi? Maybe Malawi but maPresident acho ndookungotila zvimwe chete neZambia wona. So it’s obvious let’s say ndini ndaiswa panyanga zvino uno.

I will pick ma face angu ose and brief them. All those who are here and akaita echitsaga tsaga ndoti afanoenda anoreader situation. Aika nditori ready more than.
I know who exactly will be in charge of what then I follow time time

Without wasting anytime I will go to the embassy and tell them the news officially. I will then appoint one of my connections here to be the ambassador. Right, then all logistics will be connected there from. Then toenda zvedu nedelegation yangu. Right let’s cut the trash of entry inauguration etc. let’s start with the work.
First things first , I will set up a priority list. Obviously I can’t just start by expanding roads, building an M25 round Harare blah blah blah

MONEY
I will call a meeting with all bank managers including the RBZ Governor, the minister of finance and the comptroller general. I will ask them to each prepare a state of affairs report in one week. I don’t care if they use the week to steal or run away, I will ask for reports in one week. I will then gain understanding of how much we have, how it is being used and where it is being abused. After about a month we will have downloaded them all promptly.

ASSETS
Zimasset!zimasset. Do you even know what assets are?(kwete ma assets aye😉) . I will ask the ministry of mines, transport, labour, education foreign affairs,lands,agriculture,energy, water etc to brief us on what the assets of the state are and their values. Everything that belongs to the nation that can be quantified in money I will want a value on it. Any debts owed, any dubiously acquired loans and unexplained money,land, cars farm machinery including that grabbed from farmers, shall be classed as state assets. Hatidi kuita zvekutamba.

WORKERS
Hatimirire mauseless audits and edits. We shall ask each head of department to report to us directly who works for them and what they do. We will not care about qualifications at that stage. Anyone attached from president’s office or ka musoja kanozviti colonel moyo kakagara muoffice ye parastatal get out. Everyone must be matched to a specific productive task. A comparison will then be run with the government pay records. If you are not on head of department’s list, no pension, no pay in fact you get a sentence suspended pending possible prosecution. Ndati hatitambi kani!

INDUSTRY AND COMMERCE
All industry captains will be asked to come and present their cases. What do you produce? How much of it? How much of that is wage bill? How do you operate when electricity goes? Do you import anything, do you export anything? How much is executive salaries? All that will be interrogated and anyone found to run their company in a funny way will later be put under enforced forced administration.

HEALTH
I am not forgetting health. It’s only that all that we need there is money. I will not even be disillusioned about this one. Before I do anything I will have asked any world charity involved in health matters to come and provide anything they have. I will just appeal for any well wishers to bring anything they can. Tissue, medication,cleaning chemicals and implements. That I will just appeal for direct help.

POLICE
The commissioner general, home affairs ministry, provincial officers in charge will be asked to come and present all they know about corruption in the police force. I will ask them to tell me what their plan is as individuals to reduce corruption in their ranks. Whoever has no clue anopihwa Mari ye bhazi, leaves the government car and goes where ever he came from demoted to constable. They are asked to give an undertaking of when they will have eradicated that scourge in their provinces. Hapana reverse.

MINISTERIAL APPOINTMENTS AND OTHER OFFICIALS.
My ministers will be appointed anyhow but mugrade 7 ku ministry of higher education bodo nyangwe tsvooo. ( please masmall house don’t even try this one). Then I will ask that each declares their wealth. Those already in business will have to sell or engage a trust to run their businesses for them. Non of these trust run businesses will have any government tenders directly or indirectly. Not at all.

ARMY AND CIO
Honestly I don’t want to run a government in fear. The culture of cio will just have to end. I will ask that the nation be ridden of those feared enemies of the people. I don’t see value in something that will make citizens, “unonyangarika”. It should be possible to run a decent government without them I am sure. If need be there will be a few reintroduced with a totally different brief than just being fierce. Soldiers……….

(Alarm ndeyangu here iyi?). Aika Kurota uku? Well well dzimwe hope dzinonaka hamawe. Maybe this is a dream or whatever but let’s say this makes sense?