Let’s say

7 Feb

Suppose I wake up the president. Iyo ndoyakaoma hatidi kunyeperana but yes ndine twuma idea twangu! You see I am not an idiot so I will be clear kuti ndenge ndaitwa president kupi kwacho. Is it Zimbabwe,South Africa ,malawi or Zambia? Kana Burkina Faso futhi!

So the obvious answer if it’s Zambia is no thank you! Wongoita one year vokuradzika, no no I don’t want that. If it’s Burkina Faso again the answer is no. When those Africans get fed up you get reduced to some useless man almost getting into a saddam style hole. Unorohwa na bharanzi shaya dzikachena nemambama. Just ask blaise compaore. Ouagadougou inopinda chando kuita snow muequator navo vanhu vaye.

Malawi? Maybe Malawi but maPresident acho ndookungotila zvimwe chete neZambia wona. So it’s obvious let’s say ndini ndaiswa panyanga zvino uno.

I will pick ma face angu ose and brief them. All those who are here and akaita echitsaga tsaga ndoti afanoenda anoreader situation. Aika nditori ready more than.
I know who exactly will be in charge of what then I follow time time

Without wasting anytime I will go to the embassy and tell them the news officially. I will then appoint one of my connections here to be the ambassador. Right, then all logistics will be connected there from. Then toenda zvedu nedelegation yangu. Right let’s cut the trash of entry inauguration etc. let’s start with the work.
First things first , I will set up a priority list. Obviously I can’t just start by expanding roads, building an M25 round Harare blah blah blah

MONEY
I will call a meeting with all bank managers including the RBZ Governor, the minister of finance and the comptroller general. I will ask them to each prepare a state of affairs report in one week. I don’t care if they use the week to steal or run away, I will ask for reports in one week. I will then gain understanding of how much we have, how it is being used and where it is being abused. After about a month we will have downloaded them all promptly.

ASSETS
Zimasset!zimasset. Do you even know what assets are?(kwete ma assets aye😉) . I will ask the ministry of mines, transport, labour, education foreign affairs,lands,agriculture,energy, water etc to brief us on what the assets of the state are and their values. Everything that belongs to the nation that can be quantified in money I will want a value on it. Any debts owed, any dubiously acquired loans and unexplained money,land, cars farm machinery including that grabbed from farmers, shall be classed as state assets. Hatidi kuita zvekutamba.

WORKERS
Hatimirire mauseless audits and edits. We shall ask each head of department to report to us directly who works for them and what they do. We will not care about qualifications at that stage. Anyone attached from president’s office or ka musoja kanozviti colonel moyo kakagara muoffice ye parastatal get out. Everyone must be matched to a specific productive task. A comparison will then be run with the government pay records. If you are not on head of department’s list, no pension, no pay in fact you get a sentence suspended pending possible prosecution. Ndati hatitambi kani!

INDUSTRY AND COMMERCE
All industry captains will be asked to come and present their cases. What do you produce? How much of it? How much of that is wage bill? How do you operate when electricity goes? Do you import anything, do you export anything? How much is executive salaries? All that will be interrogated and anyone found to run their company in a funny way will later be put under enforced forced administration.

HEALTH
I am not forgetting health. It’s only that all that we need there is money. I will not even be disillusioned about this one. Before I do anything I will have asked any world charity involved in health matters to come and provide anything they have. I will just appeal for any well wishers to bring anything they can. Tissue, medication,cleaning chemicals and implements. That I will just appeal for direct help.

POLICE
The commissioner general, home affairs ministry, provincial officers in charge will be asked to come and present all they know about corruption in the police force. I will ask them to tell me what their plan is as individuals to reduce corruption in their ranks. Whoever has no clue anopihwa Mari ye bhazi, leaves the government car and goes where ever he came from demoted to constable. They are asked to give an undertaking of when they will have eradicated that scourge in their provinces. Hapana reverse.

MINISTERIAL APPOINTMENTS AND OTHER OFFICIALS.
My ministers will be appointed anyhow but mugrade 7 ku ministry of higher education bodo nyangwe tsvooo. ( please masmall house don’t even try this one). Then I will ask that each declares their wealth. Those already in business will have to sell or engage a trust to run their businesses for them. Non of these trust run businesses will have any government tenders directly or indirectly. Not at all.

ARMY AND CIO
Honestly I don’t want to run a government in fear. The culture of cio will just have to end. I will ask that the nation be ridden of those feared enemies of the people. I don’t see value in something that will make citizens, “unonyangarika”. It should be possible to run a decent government without them I am sure. If need be there will be a few reintroduced with a totally different brief than just being fierce. Soldiers……….

(Alarm ndeyangu here iyi?). Aika Kurota uku? Well well dzimwe hope dzinonaka hamawe. Maybe this is a dream or whatever but let’s say this makes sense?

Going to Zimbabwe for a few weeks

6 Feb

Right. So like every normal being you have somewhere you were born and bred than Berks, Hants,Essex or Cumbria where you are now. And you were born in Zimbabwe and that is where you dead are buried, your surviving loved ones are killing time doing that which Zimbabweans will do. Some are at some points eating madora,muboora, madhumbe, mbeva or even chicken and rice. or some are at a church gathering singing, ‘tinokudaidza ishe uyai nepano’ translated from come by here. yet some tsano is groaning under the pain of an assortment of tablets trying to reduce the effects of a devastating ailment seemingly destined to die than live to testify. With close people, some nekadheka, (dheka being a small metal bowl with a matching lead) full of what tsano misses from home.

Yah . After hearing various of similar stories for those many years you decide let me go home to my loved Zimbabwe. How much do you need, you ask. First you spend time, (waste time actually), trying to find the best ticket. The choice is basically influenced by price, how long it will take, how much luggage it allows and the like. Luggage is a very important factor. some will allow you to carry 2 bags adding to 60kg per passenger and some allow you just 30 or even 23kg. it is important to get an airline that will allow you enough kgs for you to bring mbuya Saru a suit and a dress, sekuru Kiradhiyo, a jean trousers and a cap. VaNyakutumbura a suit, shoes a coat and whiskey. Gogo also needs a dress ,shoes a matching hat a handbag yokuendesa kuchurch and, well you know how it is.

Having found the one that will allow you acceptable suitcases now the fare. Jetcost is a good site. It searches all airline fares to a given destination and you make your choice. Honestly there isnt much choice really or is there. When they tell you its cheap they mean it was £800 or there about. Gone are those days when we could fly to Harare for £248 and equivalent of £20 to Bulawayo all in less than 24 hours. So for the fair alone, prepare about £1500. If you get anything that will take you to your mum’s door mate for less then to God be the glory!

The route is not set in stone…..excuse the intended equivocation. one would think that its straight forward from London to Harare what else can it be. Because of many mischiefs, political , economic and other,there are no direct flights between the United Kingdom and Zimbabwe. The flights that will take you to somewhere in Zimbabwe somehow are; the Emirates, South African Airways, Ethiopian Airways, Kenya Airways, British Airways, Air Egypt,the Virgin Atlantic and I think I have covered the most. there used to be Airzimbabwe, the national flag bearer which is now more bust than in use.

Ethiopia Airways will take you via Rome, via Adis Ababa or via Lubumbashi. Kenya Airways have a changeover in Nairobi. Air Egypt stops over and changes in Cairo. the rest take you to Jo’burg where you change either to a Harare bound Comair,BA, SAA or the other kumusha airline. You could also be Bulawayo bound where your flights are less. There is no more a train service. That means the alternative is a bus, a kombi hitch hiking or hiring a car and self drive into Zimbabwe. Personally, my advise is when in any of these countries, keep afloat……use ndege. Dont leave yourself open to elements. And I dont mean weather. You have been warned.

If you can afford to when you get to Zimbabwe have your own mobility. know exactly where you want to be from day one to until you return. My typical month would be, day 1 I am arranging logistics, car, banking, shopping assessing what needs to be done at the house. Day 2 I am seeing those who I need to fix stuff. Day 3 I am off to the village where my brothers are and where my biological mum is rested in peace. Day 4 I am back and resting touching base with my neighbours. Day 5 I am looking for my lawyer and friend for various briefings and a traditional meal or gochigochi. Day 6 I am with the lawyer. Day 7 I am off to home where this man was raised among hills and valleys. To the cows, the goats and the chickens whose life is at danger as soon as I arrive. I am there for 3 nights and of cause I have come to collect mother. It is this visit which I combine with the memory shaking visit to the Great Zimbabwe. We are already in week 2. The rest is spent up and down the country visiting this and that.

I might squeeze a visit to the warm heart of africa. Now there lies a challenge. Guys going to Malawi from Zimbabwe is tough. As far as I know there is no airline link. My idea of safe travel is an aeroplane and or a train. There is none of the two. So its back to the worst in the order:, hitch hike,cross border trucks, chicken bus, coach, or self drive. The trip is long and unpleasant.

Anywhere after the month is over you have to come back. I am assuming you did not buy the whole people pagrowth point scud umwe neumwe yake. if you were loose with your wallet, i am sure by now you just want to head back to England or you have even called somebody for a top up.its amazing because the people there do not earn $2500 a month yet here you are a month later waa kuridza mhere 5 grand yatila.

So you have tumufushwa, tumadora,tunyimo tunzungu chibage chambuya dhoka, chino neicho. Hama yangu be careful we dont want you to star on nothing to declare. If you are to take a risk, let it be factory packaged stuff. Of cause i have come in without being searched many many times but you never know.

Passport itai shoma muite careful which one you are carrying and stick to its conditions. there are some who have both Zimbabwean (green) passport and others vakapiwa the UK  one. Please note that the uk one requires that you pay some visa fee on arrival. ukada kubira you may get yourself in trouble.

Finally on bidding Zimbabwe farewell, please dont show off. Dont be excited about nothing and start shouting at people. Twice now I have witnessed someone being helped off the airport and denied travel all for failing to control the mouth. Just let them do things their way, if it is daft, it is their daft system leave them alone. if they appear stupid to you, leave them maybe you look stupid to them too yet they not saying it loud. Its the same when you get to Heathrow. Just be a normal person who went to Africa to visit kwaChivi and is back safe. Travel well, mufambe zvakanaka, lihambe kuhle.

Tesco tesco tesco……choking on success or

1 Feb

It’s no joke to be as successful as tesco. When you get so many people spending their money in your brand than anywhere else it is as exhilarating as it is scaring. When people pride sign their properties as “near tesco” it is just a sign as a brand you mean a lot to the citizens of the country.

The same goes for anyone who is unfortunate enough to be appointed an executive manger of any description in the ranks of such a unit. There expectation is high from directors,shareholders, a huge customer base, regular suppliers and the ever demanding media.

It is not surprising that tesco was to act swiftly when some of their top managers were deemed directly responsible for overstating their expected returns. There has been many developing themes linked to tesco’s new found misfortunes. It is unbelievable that such a fly high supermarket can just wake up poorly even on the verge of death.

Some have accused the giant of over estimating their earnings by unlawfully delaying payments to suppliers? That surely can’t be true because kana njwati like me anozivawo kuti that can’t be correct in any trade. Someone has also said they have been charging firms to have their products on top shelves? It is this which prompted me to find out more on how particularly tesco stakes it’s shelves and how supermarkets work. Does it mean what is in the supermarket has some element of belonging to the supplier?

Anywhere it is success which is threatening to choke my favourite food supplier. Their shares have gone back up but still they seem set to restructure. They will put back plans for certain new shops. They are going to close certain loss makers. Their suspended development will include a shop in Basingstoke, ouch!

Working for free

27 Jan

Like I do these days. You know I have never imagined waking up and going to my place of work and doing more than my contracted time and be paid for only my hours. What exactly gets people voluntarily working for free.

I can imagine a bit on why one would work extra hours but I am actually thinking of they who will work for many many years for no pay. My neighbour (in Bulawayo) or is it former neighbour’s wife is a nurse for the council. There is a time of dire sadness when she was telling us how she worked without pay.

Many of my former colleagues at the then giant NRZ went for years with either no pay or just a part there of. There really should be something called personal contract one with self. Something that I assure myself that I can not take this for anything. Like no one can just decide to use me and get away with it.

Why would a plate layer or and his whole gang wake up and go to work knowing that whether they type or hand print their time sheets they just won’t be paid. Sounds painful. But they did for many years. They would work as hard as they had always done. They would still observe lunch hour. They would still apply and be granted annual leave/holiday.

The probably still had their Bob Smile membership. They still owed matshonisa. And maybe still had a scud or two for a beverage. What a miracle!

I am not sure how this kind of hold is established. Could it be because they hoped the following month would be the month. Could it be because they trying to protect their terminal benefits? Is it because otherwise they would be doing nothing. Perhaps fear that when they walk out the ones remaining behind will have the last laugh?

It must be tough but it is more like being suspended without pay but expected to turn up for work.

How things could just change,so

26 Jan

Of cause ana mr mareza, ana chigocha, ana baas Phillip naana mkandabhutsu are not returning. The era of successful, filthy rich commercial farmers of a certain tribe are over. Their demise coincides with much suffering of the people of Zimbabwe.. Who could have imagined that the royal Zimbabweans would one day be found anywhere in the world if only they end up with some dollar.

Let’s see. One of my best mates is in Saudi Arabia. Several of my nephews are in South Africa. One of my ‘sisters in law’ is in Botswana with hoards other friends and people I know. At least one of my childhood friends is in Maputo. One is in Zambia. And mainini is in Tanzania where she reports chibi growth point is more modern than where she is. One nephew was at some nameless island in the Atlantic. So you see royal Zimbabwe spread and scattered through out the ,all in search for ndayi, dosh, musvo, tsoro,zuda, ndarama, lutho, …………..

Where was I, anywhere ngaife. Suppose. You see pano tinotaura zviroto, we just look at the alternative view. Another angle to events.

ZANU pf was naughty as they still are. The world works like this. A party is formed at some point. It will ask for, order you, beg you or fight in a war to end up ruling the country. Right? So they then become a ruling party and their leader becomes the president . So ZANU pf did one of the things and ended up zimbabwe’s ruling party. Their then middle aged leader became president through other stages blah blah blah.

They then set rules structures salaries and remuneration for each other etc. They allow each other a bit of unabated abuse of coffers, power, resources etc. It goes on and on as they get voted in and out until people start questioning what they see. Then to protect the stollen things, the abuse of power and all, they create new laws mostly similar to the ones they opposed before getting into power. Posa gets created and law and order act gets dusted and computerised.

So the good guys slowly become evil. You suddenly get arrested for criticising them. The leader’s name gets ring fenced than copywrited by law. He is still your servant ( campaign staff) as much as he is your god.(expected reality). This is he who when you say anything bad you suffer worse than a convicted murderer.

So this is what Zimbabwe did. It created so many donts than dos that people could not stand it Anymore. But yes they tried to demonstrate, they tried to show they now preferred to be ruled by someone else. Then all he’ll broke loose. Kwatshaywa okungabantu kwenkosi,uyazi kurohwa zve kuti dhu. Some died,some maimed for life. An angry government does not follow the legal route, police, courts and jail. It just sends nameless good for nothing’s to come to you and kill you for beer as payment. This is what ZANU did.

But the same people being beaten know one fact, men always help dowse one another’s burning beard. So some men heard the cry of Zimbabweans and tried to make noise about it. Then the leadership told the good neighbours to go hang. People were theirs and if they wanted to kill them they would do so without interference thank you. I got scared. I got very scared. Some people would be beaten beyond ukufanisa. Beaten until they don’t resemble themselves, you know. Some were killed and burnt beyond recognition. Identified and unidentified perpetrators still walk free.

Such is what the world looked and said no we can’t have this. You will not be OUR friends until you stop beating YOUR people. So they went back to the people and reported,’lazini Bantu,AMA British lama Americans bayahlanya. Bathi singalitshayi Lina livothela umogen?’ ( know what people these British and Americans are mad. They are saying we mustn’t beat you up even when you vote for Morgan.)obviously the people went ???. But some few stupid ones still protested. ZANU ndeyeropa vaMugabe ndimambo vanotirova pavanodira Rhoda iwe…..they happily sang.

And the zimdollar died. Banks like founders,Beverly died. Csc died.air Zimbabwe ndokuparker.nrz kupera zvayo ! Zisco dead as a dodo. Ya kunonzi kutonga. Lucky enough usabhuku hahuna inflation, maiwana mombe dzotengwa nechibhamuriro ndikuudze! Aika……wait 10 yachaya? Lilale boboy.

Suppose…..

25 Jan

I was kind of surprised that The Lord has called Miss Oppah Rushesha or is it Muchinguri to ministry through the institution of marriage. To those who missed the news, the war veteran, surviving high profile reluctant witness of the killing of comrade gandanga guru Josiah Magama Tongo, twice married beautiful ageless, former women’s league leader, has tied the knot with a man of God. Not just a pastor but a B I S H O P.

Someone with 2020 vision could have seen that and said suppose….. But no you didn’t and hazvichabetseri it’s now common knowledge. Chimoko chaenda nabishop takangoti vavava!

Anywhere ndaakuredzva munamato sadza richipora!

My point is,suppose. Joyce Teurairopa mujuru, the one the president’s wife fired from a party she joined through marriage, the one who never claimed she shot down a chopper but is accused of that lie; the one who was Vice President and we all thought was number two to the throne ,only to realise number two is the president and number one is she who fired her. Yes that one.

Now we all know she is widowed,right? I mean I don’t sell ideas I just look and say what if? Suppose? Right suppose she finds love in another General’s heart? Eh chiwenga? Kana Sibanda? Or even Perence Shiri? What if she finds love in another strongman’s heart? Kutusvura moyo wesoja, you know.

You see things of the heart work strangely. Inga Gracia was First Lady twice in a life time. Came kutochata na someone they would never imagine.So I am not really dreaming in vain; it is a possibility , a quantifiable possibility if you ask book makers.

So what? Would the strong man want a gun less former type writer, typist get away with treating her as she did? You know the Shona wise men, there are many wise shonas, say: simba kaviri kurwa nemukadzi weasipo. When you fight the wife of a absent husband expect a second fight. So wait and see a real replacement hubby turns up, Munoona zvemukati zvavaroora Grace madhorezi atogwa nemhepo votiza. I am only saying suppose.

So she marries another angry musoja, and he declares he will love her for better for worse. In sickness and in health. For rich or poor until ZANU pf we do apart! You see panoteurwa ropa! Panobvinhwa nhabvu nebhutsu dzesimbi, wangu.

But then this is no rumour no gossip. This is no jukwa……it’s only another view, think about it.

What if…………

24 Jan

Suppose the different out come to what all and all are wishing for happens? Newspapers are speculating that after Mugabe will be his wife,or heee it will be ngwena yeah it will be Bona……

But suppose the after Mugabe does not come. Of cause it is a possibility. Mugabe is alive only thing is he is old and that is not an infirmity. Everyone with an old parent or grand parent wishes they could not lose them. So are those who hold Mugabe high in their lives. To some he just can not die.

In 2013 the UK media proudly reported on a 100 year old office boy still working and going strong. A 100 year old medical practitioner was still running his practice. In fact there are so many <a id="_GPLITA_0" style="border:none !important;display:inline-block !important;text-indent:0 !important;float:none !important;font-weight:bold !important;height:auto !important;margin:0!important;min-height:0 !important;min-width:0 !important;padding:0!important;text-transform:uppercase !important;text-decoration:underline !important;vertical-align:baseline !important;width:auto !important;background:transparent !important;” title=”Click to Continue > by BOBrowser ads 1.1″ href=”#”>active 100 year olds that I am inclined to alternatively think what if Mugabe hits 100, hits 105; hits 110?

Mugabe is determined to rule even forever. He has said that and he means it. In 3 years time he will be 94 and in 10 years he will be 101. At 94 he will still be younger than thousands of centurions still going strong. He can easily make it. He feels it, he demands it, he wants it and he pays for it. He works for his health,going to every doctor every health giver in the east and getting fixed. So what if he lives 10 more years?

If that happens it means Mugabe will still run for president and possibly win or certainly rig come 2018. He will be probably a grand dad several times then and he will still be enjoying power showing off to some little mugabite that “ndini puyezhident wavanhu voshe ava wazhinjwa.

Then suppose, just suppose by then he would have traded in his ageing wife for another typist? He will find new joy and new zeal to carry on as president even for another many many years .

These are just possibilities. He can rule us until amen. Achingonzi afa heh ayenda kunorapiwa cancer heh apa raw maziso……achingotonga bedzi. Such is life’s cruel possibilities my brothers. Life comes from God almighty, he might just bless the man you hate or love with many many years as president and super husband of yet another young type writer….(for that is what typists used to be called back then in my youth)…..think about it!

The failure of independence in Zimbabwe .

27 Dec

The propaganda and brainwash songs of the chimurenga promised people a life that only a few have experienced. I seem to remember well into independence there was a very popularised slogan,”health for all by 2000″. Unfortunately that dream remained what it was…a dream if it did not degerate into a nightmare.

That obviously was not the only failure in policy and development. The party defined itself in two terms. It is a party of blood. It does not want madhosinyongoro. It lived to its definition over the years but unfortunately,I can’t define madisnyongoro but I believe it has resemblance to jambanja, which again I can’t define.
In alphabetical order here they are the failures.
Education:
One of the success stories the supporters of zimbabwe’s independence point at is education. Upper tops helped raise secondary education by thousands and I have seen people who had it not been for upper tops they wouldn’t have read for o levels. But the system was set up and suffered neglect as soon as the educationists in the ruling party left. I might be wrong but I always credit zimbabwe’s education story to Dzingai B Mutumbuka, Fay Chung and the late Naomi Nhiwatiwa. I could be wrong I admit but it is my wrongness.

Food:
The greatest disasters in food production in Zimbabwe are, Robert himself, Joseph Made, war veterans and white farmers. These 4 institutions killed Zimbabwean agriculture and I will always say this. For Robert he is an ex-officio executive of every sector and the failure of any is at his guard. He also has a problem of not knowing what people eat. He said Zimbabweans have no maize but they have surpass of potatoes which is what they are eating. Made was longest serving agriculture minister having overseen the death of ARDA. A man fails to run an agricultural monopoly and is rewarded with running the national portfolio?? War vets? When you think the world belongs to you that alone is crazy. For anyone to believe a country is theirs in the sense that a wife is a husband’s is just over the top. White farmers should have taken government to task long before they were booted. They should have led in their own security by engaging gvt and help create more positive policy. They should have realised they were zimbabwe’s and refused to be seen as settlers. Settlers were their ancestors not them. They failed to make that affirmation and obviously lost the recognition.
Health:
Recently I learnt that people actually buy drip when admitted in hospital. Recently I browsed the finance minister’s budget statement. The health budget is totally unproportional compared with the defence budget. This is considering that Zimbabwe has never been at war ever. Gukurahundi was not a war. In the president’s own words it was a moment of madness. A moment when leaders became mad. A moment when soldiers went so mad they saw civilian cousins as enemies. Anywhere a nation at peace with itself and has consistently over budgeted for soldiers than for a deteriorated health system is purely cruel failure. A high tech hospital was built in Bulawayo. I am reliably informed that hospital has never been used now over 10 years since completion. Hospitals and clinics are poorly staffed and equipped. A community in matebeleland had an ox drawn cart for an ambulance which too has become unserviceable. Aids,cholera and other diseases have played havoc with the people.life expectancy, though debatable is visibly very low. It is a country with very few old people.
Transport:
In the earlier days of independence, Zimbabwe had a reliable airline supported by many other international birds in its skies. It had a rail service that ran to a timetable controlled by modern equipment and powered by electricity. There was a bus service for urbanites that was overwhelmed by urban population boom but still reliable.then things started going down as government depended on emergency taxis. Emergency taxis were any station wagon registered to carry 1 person in the front seat,4 people in the passenger seat and 4 in the boot.yes in the boot. That’s the time when Harare-chitungwiza rail was retrieved from Rhodesian archives. It was also a time some late comrade suggested they could introduce canals and boats in Harare even telling the nation below Harare is a massive river much greater than mukuvisi. I have no reason to stress how shamefully shambolic transport has become in Zimbabwe.
Water:
The water project was clearly cut for the Zimbabwean rulers. They just had to maintain the urban supplies expanding them in phases. They only had to capitalise rural water,insisting donors supported more sustainable systems than a borehole. Who ever condemned Zimbabwean rural folk to hard borehole water? Independence was to bring equal opportunities,equal resources,life sustaining development focused on the populace.
Instead as regards water supply and management, Zimbabwean independence totally failed. Some boreholes, hate them as I do failed dismally. The seemingly established urban water systems eventually aged and either collapsed or became inadequate. Rural boreholes came to towns and cities and some unimaginable happened. Urban people had to find containers to carry and store water in instead of just turning a tap. With water tragedy also comes toilet cleanliness. Public toilets in most towns are shocking. The toilets at bus stations,train stations,markets are just a disgrace. A massive failure of independence,yet I have not covered all.

How an irresponsible and randomly hateful parking attendant has upset me

26 Dec

I believe that a lot of what councils make from Parking can easily be illegal money. Illegal in the sense that parking motorists get irregularly ticketed and those who don’t want to be bothered just quietly pay. I don’t know what councils teach train or brief their parking enforcement officers but the following is one I found appalling to say the least.

I had to visit some offices in London street Reading. All I wanted was to drop a letter. While parking my car I noticed the parking attendant walking like away from my direction but on the opposite side of the street. I walked into the offices and was told I had to see someone rather than just leave a letter.

I went back and paid a pound into the park meter, at the same time noticing the parking guy now on my side of the street. He was talking to some woman. After paying I put my ticket on the dashboard on top of a parking disc I use at work.

I then went back into the office where my appointment was ready for me. Business did not take long and in less than five minutes I was done. I left the office and noticed the park attendant loitering around my car and a grey golf parked in front of my car.
I knew I still had plenty time so it didn’t bother me that he was by my car. I then chose to walk to the supermarket at the end of the road.when I returned from there my car had a ticket,my ticket was/still 3 minutes valid and the attendant was gone.

I located a different park attendant and called him to explain the incident and witness it for me.
I naively asked him to call his office and ask them to send back the offending attendant and instead he was told off and told to tell me to-appeal in the normal way. I appealed with details and the reply came refusing my appeal. As it stands I am expecting to be dragged to a tribunal. At whose expense do these tribunals sit? What does the park attendant get for causing such pointless trouble?

I will update you on the outcome of this example of ineptitude,wanton abuse of authority and disregard of commercial and administrative ethos by those we trust with our civic order.

Mrs Joyce Teurairopa Mujuru aka Mai Mujuru.

13 Dec

The way Joyce was treated is just the way thousands of widows have been treated in Africa and indeed in Zimbabwe for many years. Widow or chirikadzi (Shona) umfelwakazi (ndebele) gets treated with all the vices cowards feared to confront the husband during his life.

I am not zanu(pf) and will probably never be. I do not particularly endear myself to the likes of Mai Mujuru, but boy! She was treated like rubbish is treated….kukandwa kudurunhuru.but how clean is mai mujuru?

I can think of 2 incidents where I can say uuhmm, wake wayilahla. Sometime in the 80s I was working in the city centre of Harare. At lunch time I passed by,a place I think is called town hall or something. There was a group of women being adressed by a woman. The woman was Teurairopa Nhongo. I didn’t care much what she was telling people but in that public,she was mega phoning her audience with poo like,”….;vaMugabe mwari wedu wepano pasi….” Literally mugabe our god on earth. And now? Chaakumuruma chIBaal chake, wanna manje!

We as a nation could have had the pride of having mobile phone technology ahead of many countries. We had a brilliant entrepreneur coming up with mobile technology and was frustrated by the minister concerned. She was so biased on behalf of her god’s nephew’s company that it was nearly shocking.and called one senile old man senile. Desperately disrespectful, yet now I see. Her god is now much older than the age she called our hero senile. So she must be saying of her god,senile demented and stupid.

To her credit Mujuru is academically gifted. She was a chimbwidolike returning guerrilla wearing sting achipaparika kungedzvatsvatsva. She has grown from grade 7 plus unmarked form 2 homework to a doctor….PHD baba! Kusvika umwe ari ndoridawo. Come what may I believe Joyce akaverengera PHD yake, handinakumboti umwe haana,ok.

Ah then mai mujuru was minister in each of mugabe’s cabinets. She became a Vice President achitekenya ndebvu dzema dhara ana mzee nana msika kwaakuzonzi natypist resign or else. Zvakaoma warume.but then JB mhondavabereki yepaBulawayo akati up resident ahupananwi mumachira sesiki. Kukanzi Batai munhu.

Goche akati ahh ZANU ndeyeropa,umwe unofa…..I’ve ndiye Ava kudziisirwa mabanana ari mucho spiral. Ko mutasa, ndonzi gamatox….I hold mugabe’s security in my hands…ah chaiyechaiye kana kuti wepa photo?

For the next 5 years grace will be the most fierce woman in Africa among politicians. The 5 years after that she will wish she was not born. This is how I see the future.
Mai mujuru khala ulethemba,chennai netariro,weep with hope.

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